Questions, Qualms and Queries of a Quidditch Queen
by Two Drunk Elves
Summary: A fic full of crazy matchmakers, sixteen year olds who act their shoe sizes, creepy fourth year Ravenclaws and Quidditch equipment. Katie, Oliver, Fred and George, Angelina and Alicia all on the quest to find just how long beaters' bats are.
1. Chapter 1

**Questions, Qualms, Queries, Quokkas and Quiches of a Quidditch Queen** _By the Drunk Elves_

**A/N: **Heya guys! This fic is very, very AU – we've got the entire gang in the same year to make it work and there are no Harry-Ron-Hermione-evil-Dark-Lord adventures in the background or otherwise. Have fun reading!

-----

Chapter One – Questions of a Quidditch Queen 

"Mine's bigger."

"No, mine is!"

"No, mine is!"

"No, mine is!"

"_No_, mine is!"

"Mine is!"

"Mine is!"

"Mine is!"

"Mine is!"

"_Mine is!"_

"NO, MINE IS!"

"FRED AND GEORGE! WILL. YOU. SHUT! UP! NOW!" Katie Bell screamed at them, tired listening to them argue about something she didn't know about.

"No!" they said in unison.

"Ah…just stuff a sock in it…" Angelina Johnson was sitting with the twins and Katie by the fire.

"Don't have any spare socks – Fred already used them to stuff up his…well, let's just say they were used!" George said cheerfully.

The twins burst into synonymous laughter.

They were attracting strange looks from everyone in the common room.

"What _are_ you talking about _anyway?" _Alicia asked.

The twins looked smug.

Very smug.

"Beater's Bats," Fred said.

"And the size of them," George added.

"But aren't they all the same size! It says that in the rulebook!" Katie asked.

"Katie, dahhhhrling. We're not talking about the _wooden_ ones," Fred told her with a mysterious look on his face.

The girls looked confused.

Then…

Comprehension dawned on all the three girls' faces and they blushed to the tips of their ears.

Katie spluttered.

Alicia laughed.

Angelina said, smirking, "Oh, Fred's is _so_ much bigger, George." She and Fred had been going out for about two months, but they hadn't done _that_ yet. Angelina loved to provoke the twins. She found their spontaneous reaction funny.

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Guys, just stop it!" Katie told them, for the second time.

"Hmph."

"Great. Here comes our beloved Quidditch Captain. HIDE! RUN UP A TREE!" Fred yelled hysterically.

The group cracked up as Fred tried to climb up George.

"Hey, Katie, we dare you to ask Oliver how long his Beater's Bat is!" the twins whispered to Katie as Oliver walked towards them.

Angelina snorted.

Katie told the twins, smirking, "I never give up dares… how much will you pay me?"

The twins whispered, "We won't prank you for a month…"

"Done!"

-----

"Oliver?"

"Yes, Bell?"

"WOOD!"

"Fine, _Kate_, then!"

"_Ollie!"_

"What is it, _Katie?"_

"Close enough. How long is your Beater's Bat?"

There was a snort from behind her and Katie looked around to see Fred and George rolling on the floor in silent laughter and tears were running down Angelina's face. Alicia was turning purple from trying not to laugh.

"Well, technically, I'm a Keeper, so I don't have one-"

There was a gasp and more snorts from behind Katie. She glared at Angelina and Alicia who were shaking with silent laughter and at Fred and George who suddenly looked shocked and a bit disturbed.

"Was it something I said?" Oliver was looking over at the twins with increasing confusion.

Katie stifled a giggle. "Exactly what you said, Ollie. So how long did you say your Beater's Bat was?"

Looking bewildered, Oliver nonetheless ploughed on, "Well, the standard size is a foot and a half-" Fred and George's eyes widened and they snorted more- "but it can vary depending on where you get it from."

Alicia couldn't help calling out, "What, your father's or your grandfather's?"

Angelina looked mildly disgusted but extremely amused and Fred and George had tears running down their faces.

Katie couldn't hold back her laughter any longer and it burst out in torrents.

Finally, comprehension dawned on Oliver.

He spluttered. His ears flamed.

And then he regained his composure. "_Oh…_" he said, "you mean _those_ kind of Beaters' Bats. I have a really, really _big_ Beater's Bat."

Fred and George looked sceptical. "Oh yeah? Prove it. Show us." The girls looked shocked and completely weirded out.

Oliver gave them a strange look. "I didn't know you swung that way!"

George spluttered.

Fred looked indignant. "Oh, _come on!_ It was only that _one _time!"

Everyone looked at him. George backed away slowly.

Oliver grinned. "Hey, I've got a friend in Ravenclaw, maybe I could set you up with him!"

Fred blushed.

Somewhere down there, hell froze over and Lucifer angrily shoved ten Galleons towards the closest demon, muttering something about a Weasley twin blushing.

Oliver turned to Katie, who was still laughing. "So did your little _question_ have anything to do with what Fred and George may or may not have told you?" He glared furiously at Fred and George for some reason.

Katie stopped laughing and merely looked at Oliver. "What? Well, they dared me to ask you, and you know how I am with dares."

Oliver looked immensely relieved for some reason and smiled at her. "Well, that's OK then," he said, "kind of."

Katie looked at Oliver.

Then at Angelina and Alicia. Who were both smirking.

Then at Fred and George. Who were both looking at the ceiling and doing mock-innocent whistles.

"What did Ollie tell you?"

Fred and George looked at each other. "Well, he didn't really _tell _us, per se. We kind of found out and now it's blackmail material for us." Oliver was now looking very annoyed and extremely embarrassed.

"Fred, George, if you tell her, I – I'll – kick you off the Quidditch team!"

Fred and George made mock-frightened faces and dove at Katie's feet, hanging onto her legs. "Oh no, save us, Katiekins! The Big Bad Captain wants to kick us off his precious Quidditch team, regardless of the fact that he won't win the Cup without us! NOOO!"

Katie might have been able to stay upright if Fred hadn't grabbed her leg so hard. But as he did, she kind of… fell over.

She and the twins lay there groaning, and as Alicia and Angelina came to help, Alicia tripped and landed nose-to-nose on top of George and Fred, seeing this, pulled Angelina in the same position and snogged her senseless.

Alicia and George were both wide-eyed and Alicia was starting to blush and George gave her a small smile. Katie knew they both fancied each other, and it was kinda cute and all, but she was squished under a pile of people.

And the other people in the common room were looking over at them curiously. Not curiously as in hey-what's-happening-over-there kind of curiously, but more whoa-I-see-what's-happening-over-there-you're-weird kind of curiously.

"A little help here, Ollie?" came Katie's muffled voice when he didn't move after a minute or so.

She heard Oliver's voice say, "OK, if you answer some _questions_ I'm about to ask you."

Katie sighed. Here she was, being squashed to death by her fellow members of the Quidditch team and Oliver wanted to play Twenty Questions. "Fine, hurry up before I'm suffocated here!"

"Question One: Did Fred and George tell you anything which might have made you ask me that question?"

Katie struggled, trying to get out from under the pile of (crazy) people. "No, they didn't, not unless you count them arguing over their own Beater's Bats and daring me to ask you."

"Question Two: Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Katie replied, annoyed.

"Question Three: Do I have twenty questions?"

"No, you have ten," grunted Katie, trying and failing to get up. "I will suffocate if you don't make it quick."

"Right. Question Four: Why are George and Alicia snogging?"

Katie rolled her eyes. "Because they like each other. Why can't you ask me these questions when I'm free from under here? Those four don't look like they're going to move anytime soon!"

"That's the point. That way, I get time to run if I say something wrong. Question Five: Would you rather go out with Fred or Marcus Flint?"

Katie sighed in frustration. "Fred, OK? Any more stupid questions?"

"Just a few. Question Six: George or Marcus Flint?"

"George, duh!"

"Question Seven: Harry or Marcus Flint?"

Katie blanched. "Ew, you have one sick mind, Ollie! Harry, I guess, but he's four years younger."

"Question Eight: Alicia or Marcus Flint?"

"I repeat, you have one sick mind. Flint, fine, you happy?"

"Question Nine: Me or Marcus Flint?"

Katie grinned evilly. "Oh, Marcus, of _course_, isn't it _obvious?"_

She heard Oliver spluttering.

She rolled her eyes. "Kidding, Ollie. You, duh! Why would I want to date Marcus Flint?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. Question Ten: What do you want for Christmas?"

"Some new dress robes, I guess. I've grown out of my old ones. Question Eleven: Can you help me out of here _now?"_

He grabbed her hand and somehow managed to pull her out from beneath the other four.

Katie suddenly asked, "Ollie, what do you want for Christmas?"

He looked a little taken aback by the question which had admittedly come out of the blue. "I dunno… new Keeping gloves?"

Katie frowned slightly. That was what Alicia was planning to get him. Looked like she would have to guess as to what to get him. "Oh… OK then."

Oliver looked at her strangely. "Was that just a random question?"

Katie waved her hand dismissively. "Sure, sure, whatever you say."

There had been an awful lot of questions asked today, Katie mused. And there was also the question of _what_ exactly Oliver had told Fred and George that he didn't want her to know.

So many questions, but no answers.

Yet.

-----


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two – Qualms of a Quidditch Queen**

"S'not."

"S'too."

"S'not."

"S'too."

"S'not!"

"S'too!"

_"S'not."_

"S'TOO!"

"Doesn't this feel like a re-run of yesterday?"

"I suppose. What are they arguing about _this_ time?"

Alicia, Angelina, and Katie were looking at The Twins. (Capitalised, of course.)

Who were, you know.

Arguing.

About something no-one could figure out.

But after yesterday's events, they weren't sure they _wanted_ to know.

"What are they arguing about _this _time?" Oliver had arrived at the breakfast table.

Katie sighed wearily. "Don't know," she mumbled into her marmaladed toast. "Don't care."

Alicia looked cautiously over to where Fred and George were sitting, which, coincidentally was right in front of them. "Do you think it would be safe to ask?"

Angelina shook her head. "They are probably figuring out if Snape is a hermaphrodite or something." She shuddered. "I've learnt to not ask."

But, it turned out, in the end, no one had to ask. George just shouted it right out.

George was clearly trying to prove a point. "YOU CAN _NOT_ USE WIZARDING FAKE BOOBS! THEY JUST DON'T BOUNCE ENOUGH!"

The Great Hall went silent.

_Very _silent.

Then Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling, "Interesting observation, Mr Weasley."

George blushed.

Somewhere down there, hell froze over (once again!) and Lucifer, grumbling, shoved another ten Galleons towards the closest demon (who was smiling and pocketing it away), muttering something about _another _Weasley twin blushing.

"Pretend I didn't say that," he muttered, as he hid his flaming red ears with his hands and ducked under the table. "In fact, _forget_ I even said that." His voice was muffled.

People slowly turned back to their breakfasts. It was Saturday, anyway, so there was no rush.

Except if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade, of course.

Which was what the group was planning, of course.

"Angelina!" Alicia was pulling at Angie's sleeve.

"Wha?" Angelina was practically in a comatose state. Not much of a morning person.

"Angelina! We have to go! The carriages leave in thirty minutes!" Now _this _got everyone's attention.

"WHAT!" Katie screamed, fell backwards, closed her eyes, and clattered to the floor.

But she didn't _land_ on the floor.

She didn't even _clatter_ to the floor.

Instead, she landed on something soft.

Well, she didn't really land.

Someone had caught her.

She opened her eyes.

"Ollie! Thanks!" And she got up, and skipped out of the Hall.

"What was up with the skipping?" Oliver muttered.

"Coffee. Good stuff." Were the three words he got out of Angelina.

Oliver looked around him to see the others gone. Eh. He'd catch up with them. What was with girls and getting dressed, any way? He just threw on the nearest thing.

-----

"ALICIA!"

"Uh-oh, here she comes." Alicia looked worriedly at Angelina.

"ANGELINA!"

"Hey, don't look at me, she's calling me too… but we did what we had to, what The Twins (Capitalised) asked us to… so yeah. Just play the part." Angelina said (kinda) reassuringly.

"ALICIA AND ANGELINA! I TOLD YOU TO NEVER, _EVER_, EVER PUT MY LAUNDRY IN THE WASH BEFORE HOGSMEADE! NOW ALL I HAVE TO WEAR IS _THIS!"_

Katie had now stormed into their dorm.

"Hey, Kates." Angelina said, looking up from her two selections of clothing – shirt and skirt or shirt and jeans? Decisions, decisions…

"DON'T YOU HEY KATES ME! Now I have NOTHING to wear! EXCEPT THIS!" Katie brandished a turquoise _very_ low cut tee, with skinny, _tight,_ jeans.

"Katie, calm down. We were trying to do you a favour!"

"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR EXCEPT THIS AND MY SCHOOL ROBES! AND IT IS THE MIDDLE OF WINTER! IT'S FIVE DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS! IT'S COLD!"

"Katie. Calm. Breathe in, breathe out. You look fine in those clothes. They are cool, but they won't let you get too cold. Just put them on!"

"ANGIE!"

"Katie!" Irritated.

"ANGIE!"

"Katie." Weary, now.

"Fine."

"Really?"

"Well, I have nothing else to wear. And it's not like I need to _not_ impress people. I _do_ need a boyfriend this year."

"Good attitude. Now put them on!"

Katie sighed and did as she was told. "Fine. How does this look?

In one word, Katie looked Hott (yes, hott Capitalised with a double 't').

She was wearing skinny jeans and you could tell where all that Quidditch practice went (not that her legs were extra muscly, they were skinny because all the fat was worked off). Her low cut blue tee was, well, low cut (cue for wolf-whistle). She was wearing some fake pearl earrings and flip flops. Her dark hair was in a messy ponytail with a small quiff.

_She'll be getting some whistles today… _thought Angelina, smiling.

"You look great!" Alicia squealed.

"Don't do the squealing thing, Leesh. It's not appealing," Katie told her.

"So nice to everyone, aren't you, Ms. Blunt Queen!" Fred was at the door, on a broomstick.

"FRED!" all three girls reprimanded him.

"What?" he said innocently.

"GET OUT!"

"Girls. Can't live with them, can't live without them… if you know what I mean…" He said, winking at Angelina.

Angelina blushed as he threw his broom down the stairs and took the slide down.

The other two made smirks over her head.

"I saw that!"

-----

"Finally!" George was exuberant.

"_Wha-at?_ We only took… twenty minutes! That isn't long at all!"

The girls were coming down the stairs.

Angelina had finally decided on the skirt with shirt – she was wearing a cute mini with a singlet. Very nice.

Alicia, on the other hand, was wearing brightly colored leggings and an oversized shirt, with a belt. On a whole, she was cute.

Fred took Angie's hand. "My fair maiden. It is my pleasure to acco-"

"Cut it out!"

Not to be outdone, George took Alicia's hand. "Oh treachery! Unto the stairway we fly! Fly, good Fleance, fly fly fly!"

"Hey, my name isn't Fleance! I'm insulted!"

"You ding, it's from _Macbeth_."

"Who the hell is Macbeth? That creepy dude from fourth year Ravenclaw? EW!"

"Eh, never mind."

Katie nervously came down the stairs. She peeked, trying to get a glimpse on who was still there. _Please not Oliver, Please not Oliver-_

"Kates! Hurry up! I know you're there!"

Oliver.

Damn him.

She resigned herself to all the teasing she was going to get shortly.

"Coming!"

She trudged down the stairs.

She concentrated on her toes.

Qualms, qualms, qualms.

Qualms about wearing these clothes.

Qualms about going down and facing the music, or in this case, the teasing.

Qualms about the amount of coffee she had drunk this morning, as she was quite jumpy now.

DAMN ALL THESE QUALMS!

She reached the bottom of the staircase.

Silence.

She walked across the room to where everyone was standing, determinedly keeping her eyes focussed on the ground.

Silence.

"Hey guys!"

Silence.

Look up.

Silence.

Finally something broke it.

"Are those _real?_" Oliver's jaw was hanging and he was turning red as he stared.

Fred and George looked at each other, with identical looks of shock on their faces.

Alicia gasped.

Angie groaned.

"_WHAT!" _Katie shrieked, blushing furiously and frowning.

Oliver tore his eyes away and looked at the others who looked back at him mutely. "What?" he said indignantly. "I was talking about the _earrings!_"

-----


	3. Chapter 3

-----

**Chapter Three – Queries of a Quidditch Queen**

The trip to Hogsmeade had been really funny but a bit disturbing, then a bit awkward, but then majorly awkward. Then fun. Then horrifyingly terrifying. Then fun. So at least it had ended well.

The funny first had come from – who else but – Gred and Forge. Idiots.

"Has too!"

"Has not!"

"Has too!"

"Has not!"

"Has too!"

"Has not!"

"Has too!"

"Has _not!"_

"Has _too!"_

"What is it _this_ time?" Alicia asked, sighing wearily.

Angie coughed. "I don't think I even _want_ to know."

Fred and George ignored her and kept yelling until Fred yelled:

"SNAPE HAS _NOT_ HAD A SEX CHANGE, HE WAS BORN A HERMAPHRODITE!!!"

Then he realized the others were looking at him. Even a creepy dude from fourth year Ravenclaw stopped to stare.

Then he blushed.

Somewhere down there, Lucifer just gave up and decided that the Weasley twins were not worth his time and Galleons.

Angie sighed in embarrassment and passed her hand over her eyes. "I shouldn't have given them ideas," she muttered.

Then the awkwardness had set in.

It had been awkward because the group had almost immediately split up into couples. Well, couples and left-overs. Fred and Angie, George and Alicia had all left, claiming that they wanted time _alone_ while smirking at Oliver and Katie.

Katie knew why, and she fumed. Those guys had been trying to set up Katie and Oliver for a long time, each scheme more hare-brained than the last.

There was that time that they were locked in a broom closet together and it was too squished for two people, so Katie had had to sit on Oliver's lap. It was pretty comfortable so she had fallen asleep. So whatever Fred told you, there was no snogging in there that day.

And then there was the time they had played Truth or Dare (it was such a _stupid_ game, Katie thought angrily, useless, pointless and time-wasting as well) and Angie had dared Oliver to kiss Katie. He had looked terrified and passed up on the Dare, but in Angie's version of Truth or Dare, you _couldn't_ pass. The alternative was to dress up as a Cupid and profess your undying love to Professor Snape through a singing Valentine in the crowded Great Hall.

And he had actually _done_ it.

For some reason, that had hurt. A lot.

It seemed that having the sour Potions Master glowering at him for the rest of his natural life was better to him than kissing her.

Ouch. Harsh.

But anyway. Back to Katie's current predicament.

What were she and Oliver going to do all day without the others?

She turned to Oliver. "So…" she began, inwardly cursing the others, "what d'you want to do today?" First query of the day. Why were there two words for it? Weren't questions and queries the same thing? If it had a ? mark, was it a question or a query? Could it be either? _Well, query sounds more sophisticated, so we'll go with that,_ thought Katie.

Oliver was staring. At her chest. Not good. "Huh?"

"Oliver." The use of his proper name registered and he looked up, his eyes widening in fear.

Katie raised an eyebrow.

He blushed furiously after realizing that she definitely noticed that his eyes were fixed on a spot they most certainly shouldn't have been and tried, "Um, there was some lint on your shoulder?"

The other eyebrow went up. "Whatever you–" She was cut off by a wolf-whistle.

She looked at Oliver, impressed. _I didn't know he could whistle with his mouth shut!_

But it turned out, it hadn't been Oliver who did the whistle. She turned around.

It was a creepy-looking dude who was about a foot shorter than her. "You're hot," he said, staring at her chest. "Go out with me?"

Oliver's chest swelled and he took a step forward. Katie rolled her eyes and placed a restraining hand on his arm.

"And you're a creep," she said frankly. "I don't even _know_ you!" It was at this point that she was struck by a brilliant-beyond-brilliant idea.

"Play along!" she hissed to Oliver, who nodded, looking bewildered.

"And sorry, I'm spoken for already!" Katie kissed Oliver on the cheek and they both walked off.

-----

"Ow! You're squashing me!"

"Hey! Don't dig your elbow into me!"

"Guys, shut up! We can't hear anything!"

Angie, Alicia, Gred and Forge were reduced to hiding in an alleyway to keep an eye on Oliver and Katie and the success of their plan.

They just heard Katie say, "And sorry, I'm already spoken for!"

Alicia gave a stifled squeal. "She kissed him –" she started to whisper excitedly.

Fred looked amazed at Katie's courage. "She kissed the Captain," he said in wonderment, "hey, that sounds cool! She Kissed the Captain, Kissed the Captain, she Kissed the –"

As usual, everyone ignored him.

"Well?" asked George impatiently. "Did our plan succeed?"

Angie sighed. "If you guys had let Leesh finish, you would've heard 'she kissed him on the cheek'."

Fred looked majorly disappointed. "What? You mean she _didn't_ Kiss the Captain? Damn!"

-----

Once they were out of the earshot of the creepy guy who Katie recognized as Macbeth, a fourth year Ravenclaw, Katie started laughing so hard she could barely breathe.

Oliver watched her bemusedly, but then the infection took hold of him as well. They leaned against the wall of an alleyway, clutching their sides. Finally, there was only the sound of an odd gasp now and then.

Suddenly, everything fell silent. All Katie could hear was hers and Oliver's breathing. _Whoa, he sure breathes loud,_ thought Katie, _he sounds like five people._

Suddenly, a shrewd suspicion arose in her mind. "Ollie," she whispered, and he looked at her. "Hold your breath for a while and tell me if you can hear anything." He looked puzzled, but obliged nonetheless.

Katie held her breath as well, and sure enough, she could hear somebody or somebodies as it may be, breathing behind her.

Then an odd creaking sound was heard, but then there was nothing. Katie and Oliver tiptoed into the alleyway, but there was nobody there. There was really nowhere to hide except behind the big dumpster, but they had checked there (Katie had been sure that was where they were hiding, because of that creaking noise).

Shrugging it off, they went along down the street. They walked past many shops that didn't interest Katie, but then one caught her eye.

"Let's go in there," she said excitedly, pointing.

Oliver shrugged and smiled. "OK, Kates."

-----

"Never again," muttered Fred angrily, digging an apple core out of his shirt. "I'm never going to go along with one of your harebrained schemes again."

"Well," said Angelina, trying to look on the bright side, "at least they didn't find us!"

Alicia groaned, shaking her loose T-shirt. Several plastic wrappers fell out. "I'm thinking we should've _let_ them find us."

George was hopping around, trying to reach for the fish head that was down his back. Then he stopped hopping. "Hey guys," he called out, "guess what? I've got a banana in my pants. Ha, banana, get it?"

The girls looked away, shaking their heads and Fred hooted and pointed as George took an actual banana out of his pants. Nobody really _wanted_ to know how it had gotten in there.

"Well," said Angie, sighing, looking at Alicia, "at least they're cute."

-----

Katie had placed an order for Christmastime at the shop that she and Oliver had looked at. Oliver didn't know it, but she was actually ordering his Christmas present.

Anyway, a couple of times after that, Katie had thought she heard someone following them, but whenever she turned around, there was nobody there. The streets of Hogsmeade were strangely dirty today, bits of rubbish trailing along behind them.

Shrugging it off, Katie and Oliver decided to go back to school because it was getting dark and there was nothing else they wanted to do, really.

Strangely, once they had gotten back, they found Fred, George, Angie and Alicia sitting in the common room, all of them with wet hair, in their pyjamas.

They all looked up when the two entered, and gave them too-bright smiles. "Oliver, Katie!" said Fred as if he'd just noticed their arrival. "Did you two have _fun_ at Hogsmeade?"

They both shrugged and nodded, pointedly ignoring George, who was making kissy faces.

They both sat down with the others. And there was silence. For a while.

Then Fred said, "Guys, let's go up to our dorm; I want to show you something."

Looking puzzled, but curious, the gang followed Fred upstairs into the sixth year boys' dorms.

"Behold," cried Fred with a sweeping gesture of his hand, "our room!"

The girls looked puzzled. The room looked pretty normal, a few stray clothes and sweet wrappers lying around, some stray brooms and spare bits of parchment littering the floor.

"Is something supposed to be different?" asked Katie curiously.

Fred looked scandalised. "Why, Kate! How could you just turn up your nose at our hard work?"

Katie shrugged, looking bemused.

Fred ranted on, "Do you know how long it took us to get this room looking this clean and tidy?"

Alicia asked incredulously, "_This _is clean and tidy? How did it look before?"

George grinned. "Oh, it was a _lot_ worse, believe me!"

Katie and Angie had abandoned the conversation and were looking around the room.

Katie stopped at a framed picture on Oliver's bedside table. It was of a pretty girl with dark-brown hair and amber-brown eyes. Katie felt weird. She knew her voice sounded weird as well, when she asked, "Ollie, who's that?"

Oliver turned around at the sound of her voice and was about to reply when Fred hooted, "That's his girlfriend!"

Katie now felt really weird. There was an odd pricking sensation behind her eyes, and her vision blurred. Why was her vision blurring? Were her eyes – God forbid – full of _tears?_ But why?

But then Oliver glared at Fred. "Fred," he said, sounding as though this was costing him a lot, "I think it's time I told you guys the truth. The truth is, that girl… is not my girlfriend."

Katie looked up from her shoes, which she had been examining for the last few minutes. Suddenly, Oliver looked at her, searching her face. Katie blinked quickly, but it was too late; he had already taken in the tears in her eyes, and her expression.

Then he turned back to the others, with a huge smile on his face. "The truth is, guys, that –" he gestured towards the picture –"is me before the sex change."

Katie gasped, feeling light-headed. She sank down on the nearest bed, her face pale. Alicia and Angie looked shocked but Fred turned to George with a super-size smirk on his face. "Hand 'em over, Gred," he said, holding out his hand. George grudgingly pulled out ten Galleons from his pocket and plunked them into Fred's waiting palm.

"_What???"_ cried Oliver incredulously. "You guys had a bet on whether or not I'd had a _sex change?"_

George nodded gloomily while Fred danced around the room.

"Then just hand those Galleons back to George, Fred," said Oliver firmly. "I assure you, I have _not _had a sex change." He looked around at the shocked and disbelieving faces. "What?" he asked indignantly. "Can nobody here take a joke anymore?"

Something registered with Katie and she looked up. "But then who's the girl in the picture?"

Oliver grinned, relaxing as Fred reluctantly handed over the money. "That's my sister, silly. Not my girlfriend or me."

Katie smiled sweetly at him, then started punching him as hard as she could. She grabbed a pillow to help her in her assault.

"Hey, ow! What are you doing?" Oliver tried (and failed) to shield himself from the blows.

"That's for scaring me to death!" shrieked Katie, whacking him with every word.

Fred and George tried to hide their smirks but failed miserably. Angie and Alicia were cracking up. Angie threw a pillow at Fred, who yelled, "PILLOW FIGHT!!!"

-----

Two first years looked up at the sixth year boys' dorm stairs.

There were shrieks, muffled yells, and dull thuds.

"What's going ON in there?" one asked the other worriedly in a high-pitched voice.

The other answered knowingly, "Probably some kind of wild sex orgy."

"WHAT?!" The first one shrieked.

"It kinda makes sense, if you know what I mean…" The other waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

The first one burst into girlish giggles.

The disturbing thing was, they were both boys.

-----

The boys finally waved the white pillow-case of surrender. All three were crouching behind George's bed, barricading themselves in. They were all shaking with fear.

Katie, Angie and Alicia all gave each other high-fives. "Oh yeah! We BEAT you guys!!"

Fred grumbled, "No need to rub it in."

Alicia scoffed, "We deserve it! We, three _girls_, beat YOU, three supposedly _manly_ Quidditch players and sent you cowering under George's bed!!"

The boys looked embarrassed and muttered something about 'not judging a book by its cover'.

"We _had_ to let you girls win," defended George. They both turned simultaneously to look at Oliver.

"Wha-at?" he protested. "Why are you looking at _me?_"

Fred raised his left eyebrow and George his right.

The girls looked at each other, then shrugged.

As the group flounced out of the door, they bumped into two first years who were sprawled on the ground.

They looked at the sixth years in awe. "How do you _do_ it?" asked one of them.

The gang exchanged looks. "Do what?" asked Alicia, confused.

"Do this," said George. He dipped Alicia down and kissed her.

"Awwwww…" chorused the whole common room. The two first years goggled at them, jaws hanging.

Fred, not to be outdone by George, tried to do the same to Angie, but she was too quick for him. She dipped _him_ down instead, and just as she was about to kiss him, dropped him.

Fred chased Angelina all around the common room, then finally trapped her on the couch, much to Oliver and Katie's amusement. Alicia and George had disappeared, probably to a five-star broom closet. Fred was laughing evilly. But every time he tried to kiss Angelina, he got the cushion instead, because she kept darting out of the way.

Things were normal in the group.

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